Here we go again… Impatient me was getting impatient. I was so excited for Victory Weekend that was scheduled on March 2 and 3. It’s actually my top faith goal this year and I was (and still) praying for it for a long time now… I was very sure I’d make it… Then boom! Schedule conflicts suddenly arose. Suddenly, I started hearing God telling me, “Not yet.” And to tell you the truth, I was stubborn to accept that. Water baptism is one of the important and beautiful steps a Christian undergoes…. Why can’t God just allow it?
It didn’t make sense to me. I just started crying, feeling so vulnerable as I listen to the lies of the enemy. That’s because you’re not useful enough! You are not good enough. God doesn’t want you. You are a failure. You are limited. You are weak, says the enemy. I had a hard time fighting that even though I am very aware those are just lies. I even started having thoughts like “God, I’m getting tired of being patient with you.” As soon as that idea crossed my mind, I realized how foolish that was! Who am I to grow tired with our loving God? Even the Spirit got alarmed, He asked me back, “What if God tells you the same thing? What if one day, He just tells you, You know what? I’m already very tired of being patient with you! I told you so many times about these things and you still couldn’t learn them! Fine, go on your own way and I’ll never watch you again.” That reminder was enough to bring me back to my own self, to remember how loving God is.
If God says it’s not yet time, then who am I to say He’s wrong? He who loves me so much… Why would he not give me the best? With that, I finally had the courage to open my Bible. I went to Ecclesiastes 3… A chapter I’ve always taken for granted as I heard it so many times already but I now truly appreciate the beauty of its message.
There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens. – Ecclesiastes 3:1
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. – Ecclesiastes 3:12
It is good to be reminded that God has already set the season for EVERY activity on earth. My water baptism is also included in those activities God has set. And God scheduled that in the most perfect time so I’d receive it in the most beautiful way… And that thought just overwhelms me and fills my heart with so much excitement
Later, the enemy attacked again. But something beautiful happened during that time… When I was so vulnerable and I didn’t know how to defend myself, God made a way to make me recite a verse:
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. – Psalm 139:16
I started to cry happy tears to have this God who thought of me before creation and wrote my entire life even before I existed, even before the creation of the world… And the beautiful thing is… God knew you’re going to struggle. He knew you’re going to stumble and you will not like most of His plans for you. He knew that at some point in your life, you will try to run away from Him. But guess what? Even though He knew all these things, He still chose you. He still looked on you with love and said, “I want that child.” Even though He knew all these things, He still died for you. He still chose to give you a beautiful future that is filled with hope and joy.
And that’s the perfect reminder I needed. I also opened my Purpose Driven Life again and went to re-read the chapter called It Takes Time. The chapter is about maturity of Christians that… well, takes time. One of my favorite quotes from the chapter goes, While we worry about how fast we grow, God is concerned about how STRONG we grow. Instant growth doesn’t exist. We are slow learners, we have a lot to unlearn, we are afraid to humbly face the truth about ourselves, we often see growth as painful and scary, and habits take time to develop.
My favorite point that Rick Warren wrote was Believe God is working in your life even when you don’t feel it! Boom! God is always at work… He likes working behind the scenes and surprising us with His wonderful gifts He’s been preparing for a long time, revealing them to us at the perfect times when we’ll experience the best of it. Even though we sometimes can’t feel it, we are assured that it is God who’s making us grow. Pastor Warren also wrote, “Be patient with God and with yourself … God’s timetable is rarely the same as ours … God is never in hurry but he is always on time … Remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go.”
It takes a great deal of obedience and humility and patience… but still my confidence is in God so what can I do but give Him the control in every area of my life and trust His schedule.
I’ll end this with this verse that I must remind myself often every time the enemy tries to attack my vulnerability and make me doubt my spiritual growth:
“Being confident with this, he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 1:3
And.. This is not exactly connected but I still want to share one of the songs that makes me feel so happy!
We’re giving it all away, away
We’re giving it all to go Your way
You are loved <3